Growing Up Was the Biggest Scam of All Time

We thought adulthood was vibes, freedom, and money. Turns out it’s pressure, bills, and silent suffering.

By Square Metre Consultants Ltd

Adulthood in Kenya often feels like more stress than success. From endless bills, KPLC drama, to midnight hunger wars — this hilarious and relatable blog dives into why growing up here sometimes feels like the biggest scam of all time.

Growing up tulikuwa soft life champions. Ugali na blueband ilikuwa gourmet meal. Cartoons zikiwa na “Tausi” na “Vitimbi”, life ilikuwa tu sawa. Tuliishi kama royalty… bila kujua tulikuwa kwenye honeymoon ya life.

Then BOOM! Life ikatupiga left kama matatu ya Githurai.

1. Bills Hit Hard — They Never Miss

Unalipwa 28th, lakini by 29th, mshahara imeenda exile.
Tokens, WiFi, Rent, chama… kila mtu anakula slice yake.
By the time you blink, bank balance iko na 3 digits. And your money? It’s waving you goodbye like a politician after elections.

“Ninani alileta hii adulting na mbona haikuwekwa kwa referendum?”

2. Sleep vs Hunger War – Ni Wewe na Tumbo yako

It’s 9:41PM. Unaumwa na uchovu lakini pia njaa inakucheck ka crush.
Uko kwa bed thinking:
“Ni chemsha mayai ama nilale na ugumu?”
Then you remember: you’re broke So you whisper to your stomach:
“Leo tunateseka pamoja, hiyo ndiyo adulting.”

3. KPLC Will Humble You – Ni Toxic Relationship

Ukiwa mdogo, blackout ilikuwa excitement. Sasa, blackout ni spiritual attack.
Fridge imeoza, laptop iko 3% na uko tu kwa dirisha ukiangalia kama neighbors wako wako na stima.

Unauliza:
“Wametukatia ama ni transformer tena?”

“Ni kama KPLC hunisense nikiwa na mood ya kufanya kitu serious.”

Forget heartbreak — KPLC ndiyo inajua kunyima watu furaha real-time.

4. "You Can Sleep Anytime You Want" — Biggest Lie Ever

As kids we thought, “When I grow up, no one will tell me when to sleep.”
Hapo ndo tulikosea. Saa hizi, alarm inalia 5:45am and your soul leaves your body for five minutes before you convince yourself to wake up.
And even on weekends? Brain yako bado inasema: “Amka. Uko job. Ama uko late!” “Sleeping until 9am? Hiyo ni kama safari ya Dubai — inaexist kwa watu wengine.”

5. Mental Health? No One Prepared Us

Nobody told us that adulting comes with silent suffering as a package deal.
Pressure ya life, imposter syndrome, job burnout, and still showing up like: “Hey guys, niko poa!” (Hapo kwa status, but deep down unashika head ukijiuliza kama hii maisha ina manual.) Therapy? Inasaidia. Bank balance? Inasema “catch me if you can.” So we pretend. We vibe. We post quotes. But inside, it’s a war zone.

Final Word: Adulthood Is a Trap, But We Move Regardless

We were sold a dream. Turns out it came with a subscription — and they auto-renew every month.
But here we are. Broke, tired, slightly unwell… but still pushing like champions. “Lakini si turudi tu kwa siku za cartoons, uji ya saa nne, na kulala bila stress?” Growing up might be a scam, but we’re too deep in to quit now.
So we laugh, we cry, we nap in matatus… and we keep going.